Going, Going, Back, Back

I'm going, going, back, back.

I'm hittin the road, gettin outta dodge, going wherever the wind takes me. (Okay enough cliches... more on that later)

Now where to, what for?? These are the next thoughts that emanate from this confused, excited, conflicted, anxious mind of mine. Does it even matter? Am I going just for the sake of going? Well, yes and no. See, no decision in life is just one thing. It's a collective, a set of ideas that trigger the takeoff that inevitably sends you on a course of twists and turns, ups and downs one can only imagine at the time the decision's been made.

First things first - where to?

Well, the immediate answer is that I'm going, going, back, back to Cali, Cali. The land of dreams, the destination of lost souls, the end of the Western world, the land where the sun sets. The plight of every almost-was actor and could-have-been model comes with me. The angst of the poor younger son, driven west by a lack of opportunity this side of the Mississip, that is my angst. The fear of the railman, the miner forty-niner, this is my fear. The ardor of the journeyman, the excitement of the wayward wanderer, this is my ardor, my excitement.

I GOT 4 FINGAZ UP...

...2 CROSSED IN THE MIDDLE

But what will come of it all?

Well, it's impossible to say, but I hope what will come is some sense of self-peace that has been, as yet, impossible to find in Corporate America. I seek only a moment of "no you can't" turning into "yes I did." Pardon the cliche, but the journey itself is the destination. (sidebar - "cliche" is officially cliche in '09, so let's diversify our linguistic approach... yup, that was the 'more later'). Living life on my own schedule (time-clocks be damned!), floating by on my own whimsy, drifting around the country, then the world on a singular quest, a quest of self-improvement and, thereby, improvement on the world I know.

Will I fall flat on my face and run crying home to Mommy?

Maybe, perhaps inevitably. But more important than what I don't know is what I do know. I know I am a people person, able to create and maintain positive relationships with folks from all walks of life. I know that regardless of where I am, or who I'm with, I can and will find the best in a given situation. I know that I can rely on my wits, and I have my forty-thousand dollar piece of paper that says so.

But this trip isn't about any winning any awards or getting any certificates. It's all about proving to myself and to my family and to any doubters I may encounter along the way that life is worth living. It's worth the risk to move out of a known safe zone to make the leap from the easy comfort of home to the great unknown of a new place. The journey is about new places, new faces, and new challenges to tackle. It's about stepping out on that limb without losing sight of the trunk. It's about new relations and long vacations. It's about live music and freestyles. It's about bein a drunken fool and a dancin king (mad props to ABBA). It's about encountering the world and saying, "Here I am; hit me with all you got!"

But, no matter how things end up, I know that I will document every peak and valley, describe every ebb and flow of life that I find along the way. I am making a pact to myself that, regardless of what occurs on this life-trip, I will be open and honest. Open for myself, honest to the world. I write for me, I write for free, but mostly, I write just to be. To be a part of the world and to know that my history will not be written by any scholar, or any boss, or anybody but yours truly. In the living words of Incubus front man Brandon Boyd, "If I fuck me, I'll fuck me in my own way." I won't let fear get in the way. I won't let money get in the way. I won't let overconfidence eat me up from the inside. I will stay humble, stay poised, and always remember to let my heart guide me when my eyes don't understand what they see. I will be a spark in the dark, a light in the night, another Bic in the air waving to the music of the concert of Life.

And ultimately, I imagine this journey will end exactly where it begins - Home. Home may be in a different city then, or a different region or country, but wherever Home is, that's where I'll be - going, going, back, back.

-Love, Peace, and Harmony to All and for All-

Run faster

Run faster run faster
I'm a slave to the game
And u the master
Lifes upside down
Natural disaster
We drivin faster
Still givin gas Sir
Life's pedal to the heavy metal
Blaster
Yes I is mad Sir
My words is mad slurred
If words could kill then this would
Prolly peel your cap Sir

A time capsule

Living art trying to make the Master Peace
Inside of us all beating heart of a beast
From the west and the east
Indies
People one mind, different style,
Very different tendencies

Animals

But we write from the same hand
Live on the same land
Come to think about it
We both got the same brands
Same face same eyes
Same hair same hands

Same blood same tears
Same bones when we break em
We droppin bombs and buildin walls now they're
Forgotten and Foresaken

For godssakes!
For who's sakes?
For mistakes.
For forgettin that the only way to
Change Tommorow,
Is to Change Today

But we just keep runnin
And we just keep runnin

And we just keep gunnin
Up each others necks to kill
We outside sunnin
Fired up on the grill
I just keep it real
I just live it honest
Hooked to the rap game
Call me raps on phonics
Way fast supersonic
Hedgin bets hedgin hogs
Dodgin traffic old school
Lane to lane we the frogs
Green buggy eyed coupe
Fuck the law, pray to you
Won't catch me hundred miles an hour
What the fuck they gonna do?
Livin powerrr
Full never empty
Bad hoes bad weed nah homie don't tempt me
This aint a temp see?
We movin in
Landscapin whole world
We best friends nexta kin
I'm here to win

First place first race
Don't matter its just words
But my sound never erase
Yeah we eat great
Yeah we good
Still time for the kids
Givin back to the hood
The streets that raised us
Tv's that made us
Actim bad yeah
I'm on my worst of behavior
I'm not a savior
I'm just tryna find a few
That get down like me
Whatchu gonna do?
Who you wanna screw?
It aint me, then pick him out
Or pick her up and come with me
We goin to the clouds
I'm talkin right now
You thinkin bout later
We bout to trip around the world
We start around the equator
Cuz nothing'd be greater
Than me and you to share
Woman and man me and you
We make a nice pair
Some nights I might spare
Tonight I'm gonna strike
The irons hot right now
Knock it out like Mike
Next time I'll be po-lite
But now it don't seem right
I'm contemplatin and debatin
Girl but don't think twice
We playin three blind mice
Or we can cut on the lights
Its up to you its up to her
I play it cool like ice
So baby roll the dice
Come on roll n wit me
I bet some tricks up in your
Sleeves you wanna show to me
I wanna shoulder you
I'm talkin boulder you
Rock hard miss thang
I'm talkin bold are you?

So what really?
I'm feelin all of this is silly
I've got a friend for you to meet
I named him mr. willy
But for real see?
I'm just tryna chill, see?
So let's hit the road
Takin off in a hurry

Front and back seat
Two fine girlies, duuude
Yeah I gotta cut the heat
Its goin real good
Leave that fake shit alone
Time to man up cut the wood
Bring the bone
Call me hoes r us
Cuz I don't wanna grow up
If my you my girl you my ho
If you my ho yous a slut
No need to question what
Happens to finish this story
Just know that baby aint mine You betta holla at Maury

What's Love?

What is love without the hate?
What is justice without crime?
What's wealth without poverty?
What's the darkness without shine?

What's the answer to the question
When curious george-like we inquire
"Would we appreciate the cool breeze
If we ne'er knew the fire?"

What is sober without drunk?
And what's a cool guy with no punk?
And what's a smooth set shot
If no one ever thinks to dunk?

What's the spring when there's no fall?
What's a floor without a wall?
And tell me how would we learn to run
If ne'er did we fall?

What's a win without the loss?
What is money with no cost?
And what's a dirty, nasty, rotten smile
If no one ever flossed?

What is up when there's no down?
What's unfunny with no clown?
And how could silence speak such volumes
If ne'er we heard the sound?

What is night without the day?
What's the dirt without the shovel?
I'd like to know, please tell me,
Who is god without the devil?

What's the truth without the lies?
Who's the lord if they're no flies?
And tell me now what is the brownest earth
If we know not of the bluest skies?

Who am I without you?
Who are you without me?
Would we, could we know what's healthy
If there was no H.I.V.?

What is laughter without tears?
And security without fears?
And tell please, if u would,
Who's the blind man with no seers?

What is one without the zero?
What's the past without the future?
Who's the villain with no hero?
Who's the victim with no shooter?

What is youth without old age?
What is happy with no rage?
And what is freedom, might I ask you,
If ne'er we knew the cage?

What's the yin without the yang?
What's the difference with no same?
I may be crazy cuz I think this way,
But that's only with your sane.

I say these words not to discourage
But just to make you think-
Could you know the greatest hunger
If you didn't know the food and drink?

Would you thirst for knowledge
If ignorance were not bliss?
And could you strike a man in hatred
If you never knew a lovers kiss?

Ugly Duckling - Spoken Word

Stand up show yourself young man and I will show u somethin
Its life live it well then grab a pen and start dumpin
Always keep the party jumpin
Always your eyes on the prize
Don't waste your time or your thoughts with petty talk and petty lies

Just sit back and analyze
Think about it for a minute
Because the only way to change the world
Is to change the people in it

When I rhyme its like a clinic
Cuz I'm sick up in the head
Ima product of the world i think about the shit I'm fed
Is he a fag is she a les? Is he a cracka or a nigga
The words mean nothin to me cuz a minds way bigger
Than a finger on the trigger
Or a hand that holds a sword
The world lives inside of all of us
Everyones a lord

Everyones alone
Everyones at home
We come from the earth every vessel every bone

So can't we get along?
Can't we sing this song?
Yes there's power one by one but the teams way strong
Love ur neighbor and your hater
Love your underestimator
Love the north pole's cold
Love the heat from the equator
Love the earthquaker
Love destroyers and the makers
Love quiet kid that's in the corner and the one who's on his best behavior

Love the bum that's in the streets
And love the meal about to eat
And love the gangstà rapper lookin for a mil to speak
A couple thousand just to come
A couple thousand all in ones
Love the momma workin on the pole
Love the churches and the nuns

U might love a boy u might love a girl
I might hate my insides but I still love the world
Elevate ur mind awhile above the world

Well not above the world
I'm talkin more about perspective
Its not about rockin the gucci hoppin out the lexus
No I'm not about the lexuses I'm all about my next a kin
I'm walkin next to u yes I'm a regular pedestrian
Knockin betta let me in I'm hangin by the front door
I got so much, give it back
But I then my heart looks out for more
Life is not a bore, no
And life is not a bitch
I gotta secret gotta tell ya
Tho I'm really not a snitch
I just gotta itch middle back I cant scratch
I'll be the gasoline and u can be the perfect match
Little seed little egg yes one day you will hatch
They will try to come and fight but
Never give in to attack

Start some love, end a fight
Roll it up and ignite
Now we blazin hot
Aint it amazin what
We can do together, come together the time we need
Is right now right here, get the picture?
I been workin by my lonesome but I aint nuttin 'less I'm wit cha
Me and u hold hands sing songs change the globe
Twist it up pop a bottle light ya like a strobe
That means I'm on and off
U got the keys u got the switch
So let me see it let me hear it u and me, yeah we gotta gift
I mean we gotta GIVE mi casa su casa
I am cool solo but wit chu way hotta
Tell ya sista ya brotha ya motha and ya fada
Free will is all of ours from da bum to tha docta
Yes I know that it might shock ya
But I do believe
We are all martin luthers
Kings wit one dream
Doing anything do it when we sing
We eatin from the same table what did you bring
I am a king young girl yous a queen
Don't listen to tha hatas jealousy neva sting
Unless you just let it fuck em forget it
Just walk the right path left right left it

They might catch up
Yeah wit a little luck
I see the most beautiful swan in the ugliest of duck

I am way ugly
Down to earth low like a rug see
One mind one heart
Never no one above see
Life is way lovely
Amongst friends and family
Bible say we brothers but we live in animosity
Quaran say hold a hand out the next
But the killers say allah strapped a bomb to their chest
Second class second best?
Only if you buy what they're sellin
I'm trippin no place to unpack round the world like magellan

But still-
One message, one soul, one will

Live your dreams chase em down just try
We only get one chance we live and then we die
So from the mire we must rise we must come unstuck
We must fly like beautiful swans for not one is an ugly duck

Rap's Fun

raps fun. i like it cuz it lets ur brain scatter
i think it up, piss it out, no it really dont matter
u pissed off? i dont care, u gotta weak bladder
i am way above up ur level, climb my rap ladder
the mad hatter, im the pitcher u the batter
matter fact a mathematician, u are not an adder
im am happy u are sadder, ur world shattered
i am a rock star homie, call me mick jagger
im no actor, never eatin from a silver platter
tho i eat good every day, u just a brown bagger
ya like my swagger? i think u might be a fagger
but its cool, one love from earth all the way to saturn

bad to the bone blues

dun da da da dum, im baaad to the bone
dun da da da dum, lettin all my hoes roam
dun da da da dum, stop callin my phone
dun da da da dum, from a town to rome
dun da da da dum, betta leave me alone
dun da da da dum, cuz its time to go home
dun da da da dum, yeah before i liked ya
dun da da da dum, wit a face so delightful
dun da da da dum, peace lady wont write ya
dun da da da dum, think id rather red sight ya
dun da da da dum, and when i load this here rifle
dun da da da dum, adios bitch im psycho
BOOM

ShadSpot

yes indeed you are right here in my Spot
ya bettaaa check ya neck cuz the block is hot
i ammm way sick so ya betta call tha doc
cuz i'mmm livin life high while ya fall like stock
im nooo papa doc i might lean n rock
im like a clock tick tock check tha G shock

like i said livin high sooo close to God
im the man M.V.P. of da whole squad
we way hard, they roll but we roll hotta
why botha, fuck u up n then ya fatha
i gotta lotta hoes flows plus im way smarta
good rides i am fly while u ride marta

now just holla, matter fact just follow
u cant see me dude cuz ya boy here's hollow
like kevin bacon was, in that one flick
i'm earthquakin cuz, 7 1 on tha rich
richter flick'd her after dick sir
im the love docta i keep elixir
a gxxxr like tha bike i am fastaaa
im the lord u a slave call me mastaaaa

lets get it